Yelp Reviews from the 1800s

GROCER – 5 Stars

Wild chickens run through the aisles and peck at the dry goods. Flour leaks from sacks caused by rat or other animal bites. Flies hover around a butchered, brucellosis-infected piece of meat. I had to battle a gang of unruly, soot-covered children who pillaged the food like it was free for the taking.

But my family’s going to eat tonight. And they had milk.

SOCIAL CLUB – 5 Stars

The finest selection of warm lager here! The mood is accommodating, with a lively conversation regarding the new tanning process of leather belts and other hipster fashion.

Barkeep was quite surly, but given the plight of going on in his homeland, who can blame him? Godbless him all the same.

RESTAURANT – 5 Stars

There are two items on the menu. TWO! The owner must be doing quite well for himself.

About these ads

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s