80s Movie Rap Revival: End-credit songs that retold the plot

Remember when movies had songs that retold the plot of the movie? A lot of these songs were hip-hop (I think because of the emerging genre’s straight-forward delivery and its ability to retell a narrative without stylizing vocals… but that’s just a guess).

Example: Pretty sure every kid remembers Partners in Kryme’s “Turtle Power” from the first TMNT movie: 

Anyway, four or five years ago, me and my friends Ryen Schlegel and John Schwarz thought it’d be a cool idea to form a band solely devoted to giving 80s songs the end-credit songs they deserved. The project was called 80s Movie Rap Revival and we began with The Three Amigos.

Turns out telling a movie in rap form is really hard. We spent an entire night writing what is essentially the first paragraph of the Three Amigo’s “Plot” section of wiki.

But I went back through thousands of emails and dug up the recording. That’s Schlegel and Schwarz on vocals. Lyrics below. (Still really proud of the telegram jokes)



We are the Three Amigos

We are the Three Aaamigos

We are the Three AAAaaaaaaa…

…aaaaa….

….a…..

- Goldstein Records, baby!

Mexico 1916. Check out the scene – this is where were at. Esta that and esta this. Mexico’s hot, so you better not diss.

Carmen.

He’s talking about Carmen.

Carmen.

He’s talking about Carmen!

 Carmen, yo where she from?

Santa Poco, representin’ po folk on the low-low. El Guapo’s getting loco.

(Arriba!)

 Cantina del barachos (huai!). Looking for muchachos (aye!), to help us fight El Guapo.

MUSTACHE

I’ll help you darling.

 STACHE STACHE.

If you help me first.

 So she’s out, SCRAM, out the door. But she’s gotta have faith… [just give us some more] [scampering sounds]

DING DING.

What’s that from the church?

DING DING.

It’s a silent movie playing. Up on the screen we got three boys now—fighting and riding, pushing, singing and shooting.

They’re loving and dancing, talking, saving the children.

Yo boys! You’ll die like dog[ums]!

 Nah, son. We’ll fight like lions.

Uno, dos. Uno dos tres, Three Amigos all up in your face! [Like that.]

Amigos: Lucky and Dusty.

Amigos: Little Nederlander.

Amigos: They’re phony boloney. They’re out of a job and they’re looking for money.

Amigos: They’re fighting for cash.

Amigos: Lucky chasing that ass.

Amigos: Count em—one for the justice. Two to rock a rhyme. Three to get ready and fight some crime.

Jump to Hollywood, Californ-I-A. Phonies all around, that’s what I say. Back in the time when there were to talkies and the studios were run by a bunch of honkies. [um sir]

Yo boys, you’re great. Your act doesn’t blow.

 Well, that’s fine to hear, but no dough, no show.

I’m Harry Flugleman and that ain’t no mystery. You can’t boss me around. The Amigos are history.

 Damn Dusty, we’re out of luck. We’re stuck in the muck. Like I give a fu—

TELEGRAM!

100,000 pesos [stop.] Come to Santa Poco [stop.] Put on a show [stop.] For the infamous El Guapo [stop.]

Hm. “Infamous,” what’s that mean? [stop stop stop] Nah, I’m asking you, what’s that mean? [stop stop stop]

[Stop st sto st stop stop!]

Yo, shut up with that stopping shit and tell me what the fuck infamous means.

HIT IT!

My little buttercup, has the sweetest smile…

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