Yelp Reviews from the 1800s

GROCER – 5 Stars

Wild chickens run through the aisles and peck at the dry goods. Flour leaks from sacks caused by rat or other animal bites. Flies hover around a butchered, brucellosis-infected piece of meat. I had to battle a gang of unruly, soot-covered children who pillaged the food like it was free for the taking.

But my family’s going to eat tonight. And they had milk.


The finest selection of warm lager here! The mood is accommodating, with a lively conversation regarding the new tanning process of leather belts and other hipster fashion.

Barkeep was quite surly, but given the plight of going on in his homeland, who can blame him? Godbless him all the same.


There are two items on the menu. TWO! The owner must be doing quite well for himself.

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